Not Quite Hatred
by fansoffics
Summary: This is my first fanfiction ever, so be gentle, but any feedback is welcome. T for swearing and I'm incredibly paranoid. Peter/Tris, may write more chapters if you guys enjoy! :)


I'm screwed, and that's all I know.

How is it possible for someone with as much pride as me to have feelings-and not the hatred kind-towards a Stiff?

I remember the first time I noticed her, my heart made a subtle yet noticeable thud. She volunteered to jump off of a building. A. Freaking. Building. I've lived my whole life in Candor, so I'm not gonna lie, I never would've done something as stupid as that.

But she waltzed up on that ledge with pride. She looked so sure of herself, almost like me.

Well, like me, minus the cowardice.

Then she took off her sweater. My God, she was small. How could someone so small be so brave?

How can someone as big as me be so afraid?

And then, because of my intimidation, my intense infatuation, my obsessive jealousy, I mocked her.

So she jumped.

My heart stopped for a split second, then pounded heavily in my chest.

My whole body relaxed as I heard her faint laughter.

She was okay.

I couldn't let my old friends from Candor know that I liked her, so I told them,

"What a shame there wasn't brick down there to catch her. Than she'd really be Stiff."

And they laughed.

And I laughed along with them.

I'm screwed, and that's all I know.

When I saw the sleeping quarters, I was sure to get a bed near her. I wish I hadn't though.

Molly and Drew and I were all hanging out near my bunk when she came out of the shower, damn her.

I saw the gears in my friends head's turning. I had to do it, what choice did I have?

She seemed kind of on edge, but minded her own business and got her stuff.

I crept up behind her, and when she turned around, she nearly jumped out of her skin.

"What do you want?" She asked me. What did I want?

I smirked at her. What the hell was I doing?

"Didn't realize you were so skinny, Stiff."

She eyed me cautiously, trying to get back into the bathroom. I blocked her escape.

"Get away from me." She was so fearless and so vulnerable at the same time.

Molly and Drew were gathering around us. There was no going back on this one.

"Look at her, she's practically a child!" Molly sneered.

"Oh, don't say that! She could be hiding something under that towel!" I wanted to smack Drew, tell him to shut the hell up.

I could see the terror in her eyes. Now I really wanted to know if she was hiding something that would make her so scared. Maybe it was just me.

She made a run for the door. I meant to grab her arm, honestly, I did. Instead, I grabbed her towel.

She immediately covered herself up and ran to the bathroom.

I can't help but notice how beautiful she was.

On the way to training the next morning, I was mentally kicking myself.

 _What the hell was I doing? What the hell am I doing? Why am I friends with those freaks?_

We were fighting today. I was against Edward, and Tris was fighting Molly. I wanted to throw up. She's been hurt enough already. She needs a break.

My fight with Edward was a loss, but not a crushing defeat. At least I put up a fight.

After my match was Molly and Tris and I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to watch it without giving away my feelings for her.

Molly mocked her, "Was that a birthmark on your left buttcheek? God, you're pale Stiff."

That was completely uncalled for. My knuckles turn white. I'm ready to say something to her but the fight already began.

What Molly said actually opened a damn of rage inside Tris. She ended up winning. I felt heat rush to my face because I was beginning to realize how much of a threat she was to me. I was so stupid for liking her!

Drew noticed. "You mad that Stiff won?"

"Yeah." I told him. For a Candor, you think I'd tell the truth more.

That night I couldn't stop thinking of her, and thinking about what it would mean if she kept being this good, about what it would mean for me if she finished first in this training. It would mean I wouldn't be on top.

All at once, my feelings for her vanished. Not completely, but they subsided for a while.

 _How can a Stiff be better than me? I swear to God if she thinks she can beat me, she's got another thing coming._

So I made a plan. It required two other people, preferably men. I already had Drew, I just needed another dumbo to do my bidding for one night.

I looked around the sleeping quarters. Nothing was moving until my eyes glanced over to Al's bed. He was sobbing, the loser. And then, I had a thought. He was perfect. A homesick, hopelessly lovesick guy who happened to have strength on his side. Everyone knew he tried to hit on Tris, the bastard. But, I was willing to overlook that for one night.

My plan was turning into action. I convinced Al to grab her when she was alone. He didn't want to at first, but when I reminded him of how she hurt him, he begrudgingly obliged. Besides, we were only gonna scare her.

She came out into the hallway in the middle of the night. It couldn't have been more perfect. Al grabbed her and put his hand over her mouth to cover her screams. She wasn't even fighting, she was just working her legs together like her life depended on it. We dragged her into the pit and pulled her towards the chasm.

"Take her to the edge, we're gonna see if she can hang on!" Of course, I feel bad about my stupid little plan now, and of course I wasn't going to kill her. Four thought otherwise. He ran into me and grabbed Tris, asking if she was okay. Al and Drew ran away. I was outraged. My jealousy soared. I wanted to be the one to ask her if she was okay, but I was the one causing her harm. Why did I think this was a good idea? I couldn't stand there, acting like I wanted to kill her.

"Beatrice, are you okay?" I said, walking towards her.

"Get away from me you asshole! You tried to kill me! Don't you dare ask me if I'm okay, you know very well that I'm not!"

"But I only meant-"

"Do you think I give a damn whether or not you meant anything? It felt like you meant something to me."

"I wasn't going to throw you over the edge, I was going to scare you."

"Well, it worked. Are you happy?"

Four's arm gripped tighter around her waist. "I think it's time you leave. And don't you ever come near her again." Geez. Protective much?

"I'm so sorry Tris."

The next morning, I go for a walk to clear my head. There aren't very many places to go in the Dauntless compound you can go to without being seen by Four. I find a hallway with a dim blue light. Tris is there. I practically run to her.

"Oh, Tris, thank God you're here. I need to explain about last night."

"What is there to explain? You made my worst fear almost come true."

"Wait, what fear?"

"No, it's nothing. But you need to screw off. I can't forgive you for what you did to me."

Suddenly, everything became clear. She wasn't afraid of death, she was too brave for that. She was scared of something else. Now the way she trembled when she took off her sweater on the roof or the way she was terrified of having her towel taken off or the way she closed her legs tighter when Al grabbed her makes sense. She was afraid of rape.

"Oh my God, you're afraid of rape."

Her cheeks turned a light red. I couldn't help my feelings for her in that moment. She looked so child-like and scared. I couldn't help but have a deep sympathy for her.

"I'm so sorry Tris. I had no idea. I was insanely jealous of how good you were doing or how good you would do. I just got carried away, I wanted to fluster you. Can you ever forgive me?" I touched her arm lightly. Remarkably, she didn't shy away.

She paused. I couldn't quite read her face. Her eyebrows were raised and she looked deep in thought. It was like she was surprised and concentrating at the same time.

"I don't get you. You tell me that you hate me one minute, then you're asking my forgiveness. You almost kill me and then you're sorry. You call me Stiff and then you think I'm such a threat to your rank that you scare the living shit out of me. What do you really want?"

 _I want you. I want you to love me so hard that you forget all about Four. I want scratch marks on my back and my headboard to be cracked. I want to hold your hand and smile at you in public. I want to love you, and I want you to love me._

"I just don't want you to hate me, I guess."

"Well, start by not being an asshole and I'll see if I have it in me to forgive you."

And just like that, she was gone.

And just like that, my feelings overwhelmed me.

Now, I couldn't exactly say I loved Tris Prior, but I could definitely say I was attracted to her. Even though she was the smallest girl I've ever seen, what she lacks in size, she makes up for in endurance. If she's losing in a fight, she'll get back up and take as many hits as she can. The only time she'll give up is when she's unconscious.

That night I went on another walk, thinking about my talk with Tris earlier. I went back to the same hallway. There, I saw a door that was hardly open with a dim light pouring out of it. There was a man speaking. Of course, being the way I am, I had to listen.

"You can't be around him anymore, end of discussion."

I reconized that voice instantly as Four's.

"But he said sorry. The least I can do is give him a chance."  
"It's too dangerous, he's probably trying to distract you enough so that you lose your ranking."

He sounded mad and jealous even.

"What? You think I'm dumb enough to let a guy ruin my chances of being a Dauntless?"

"I'm not saying that you're dumb, I'm saying that he could really do something to hurt your chances of being ranked in the top 5. Or worse. Hurt you."

"Tobias, I'm feeling like you're jealous of him."

 _Tobias, huh? No wonder he changed his name to something different._

There was a pause for a while.

"Alright, maybe I am. I just don't want to lose you to someone who tried to kill you."

"He didn't try to kill me, he wanted to scare me. He said he was sorry."

There was a loud noise and I jumped back. Four had slammed his hand on the table.

"I don't give a damn if he said he was sorry, your judgment is impaired! You just had trauma! I'd expect nothing less because he brought out your worst fear!"  
Silence.

"Tris, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."  
I felt this conversation was ending, so I left hastily.

Seconds later, I heard the door open and I ran around a corner so she wouldn't see me. Then I started walking towards her.

"Oh, hey Tris. Fancy seeing you here." It was hard to keep my voice calm after what I'd just heard. I threw in a smirk for extra casualty.

"Peter, can I ask you a question?" Her voice was cracking and I could tell she was on the verge of tears.

"Of course." We found a spot outside by the train tracks. The sun was setting and the sky was full of magnificent colors. It would have been romantic if we were under different circumstances.

We sat quietly for a few minutes before she broke the silence.

"Uh, Four says you aren't genuinely sorry, and I need to know if you are or not."

I stared into the sun for a bit before I answered. "You know, I'm incredibly sorry and I swear I'll do whatever I can to help you reach the top ranks."  
"No, that's not good enough. It doesn't feel like you're telling me the truth. Look into my eyes and tell me what you actually feel."

This could be my moment, I could actually tell her how I felt about her. The question is how would I do it without scaring her off? She was afraid of me. How could I convince her that I like her? I looked into her icy blue eyes that somehow gave off a sense of warmth. They were genuine. She reminded me that right now with her is real. She's real. I'm real. And my feelings for her were sure as hell real too.

"I'm so sorry." My voice broke and she looked at me like I was the one nearly hanging over the chasm. I couldn't believe myself, I was about to cry. I quickly snapped out of it and got a hold of myself. She huffed out.

I look over at her."What?"

"I'm just thinking." She leaned into my shoulder a little and we sat there for a while watching the last bit of light go over the horizon. She was getting tired, I could tell. She lay her head on my shoulder. I could've stayed there forever, but first, I had to tell her something.

"Tris? You still awake?" We both stared into the distance.

"Yeah."

I shifted so that I could look at her in her eyes. "I just thought you should know that uhm, I don't hate you."

She laughed shyly. "I think I knew that, Peter."

"Oh?" I said raising an eyebrow. I was back to my old self.

"Yeah. And you know what?"

"Hmm."

"I think that I don't hate you either."


End file.
